Don't follow the shadows

The idea behind this drawing was that it was worked on it for 2 - 2.5 hours during class for three sessions without looking at it or adjusting it in between. During the second session, the drawing had to change at least 50%, and 25% more had to be altered during the final session using additive and subtractive methods. The subject matter assigned was 8-16 attributes that describe who you are without actually showing your physical self. This is what I ended up with:

Graphite, charcoal, gesso, white pastel, and Sharpie marker on 18’’ x 24’’ Arches printmaking paper.



( Larger view under the cut )

During the first class, I penciled in all the attributes with graphite. I originally had a quill and ink pot in the lower left corner and a corsage of dried flowers in the lower right. There were only two peacock feathers and the meditating woman in the lotus did not exist at all. During the second class, I went over a few elements in charcoal that I wanted to emphasize. I entirely erased the two objects in the bottom corners and randomly covered a few areas in gesso, including a large white space in the middle. In the last class, I drew the lotus in Sharpie on the gessoed area and highlighted some attributes in Sharpie. I also drew the meditating woman on a separate sheet of paper in Sharpie, cut her out, and taped her onto the drawing to give it some physical dimension. For the metal fans reading this, I know it’s painfully obvious that it’s from Epica’s Design Your Universe cover art, but I liked it better than any of the other reference pictures I found. I did change it a bit, but it’s not like this drawing is meant for anything other than personal use and fulfilling the assignment’s requirements. ;) I also don’t mind that it directly references the album because as I mentioned in my previous post, it really does mean a lot to me.

( I’m sure you all know by now how much I love symbolism, so here are the attributes I used and what they mean )

I also wanted the composition to play with the concept of symmetrical and asymmetrical balance. “Life is about focusing and balancing. If you focus and lose your balance, you fall. If you balance and lose your focus, you die.” – Yoko Ono

I wish I had more time to clean up a few areas and make some adjustments, but the focus of this drawing lies more in the process than the final result. Other people in my class never took anything away from their drawings or covered old parts with new additions. They simply continued adding to the white page so by the end, all they did was finish from where they started on the first day. Many didn’t finish at all. Their drawings looked a lot cleaner and neater than mine, but they didn’t get anything out of the experience. It’s truly liberating to rip up something you created, start again, destroy it once more for good measure, and finally finish with something that looks complete and has a visual story behind its evolution.

Three times three,
What brought they from the foundered land
Over the flowing sea?
Seven stars and seven stones
And one white tree.


We had a screenprinting workshop in my printmaking class, so I wanted to make something I’d actually wear if I spent the time making it. I think it turned out pretty well for my first endeavor in this medium. The scarf was only $5 on clearance, and I love how it fades from white to blue. (It also really needs to be ironed!) The fabric is thin, so the ink soaked through to the other side, and I also printed another tree on the opposite end of the scarf. I know only the white tree in bloom has the crown of the king of Gondor, but I decided to add it so it wasn’t strictly Tolkien’s design and to fill in the negative space in the original drawing. It’s a glimmer of hope that one day we will rebuild this world that we may share in the days of peace.

( + 1 of the entire scarf )

"For those who are politically apathetic can only survive if they are supported by people who are capable of taking action. They are quite valueless in a city which controls an empire, though they would be safe slaves in a city that was controlled by others." – Thucydides

Americans, if you haven’t already, vote tomorrow! You should care about who represents you and your country around the world, and I’m hoping you’re all for change after these eight long years.

"...I am tired when I get up. Life requires an effort which I cannot make. Please give me that heavy book. I need to put something heavy like that on top of my head. I have to place my feet under the pillows always, so as to be able to stay on earth. Otherwise I feel myself going away, going away at a tremendous speed, on account of my lightness. I know that I am dead. As soon as I utter a phrase my sincerity dies, becomes a lie whose coldness chills me. Don't say anything, because I see that you understand me, and I am afraid of your understanding. I have such a fear of finding another like myself, and such a desire to find one! I am so utterly lonely, but I also have such a fear that my isolation be broken through, and I no longer be the head and the ruler of my universe. I am in great terror of your understanding by which you penetrate into my world, and then I stand revealed and I have to share my kingdom with you." – Anais Nïn

Any doubt regarding Kurt’s intentions has disappeared now that he’s asked me out for coffee. I’m still very apprehensive about all of this. I'm afraid of commitment, afraid of being tied down or restricted in any way. This guy, like all the others, seems to want to get serious pretty fast based on all that he's sent me. I understand that he's a bit older than me and is probably ready for it, but I'm not. He also won't tell me where he lives and it doesn't say on his profile. Based on his phone number, I'm assuming he lives in Milwaukee, but I don't live here on the weekends. I don't think I can trust him. I mean, I met him on MySpace. We have some things in common, but not enough, so I think I might have to let him go. I know I'm making assumptions, but I'm afraid I'm a bit too wild for him, and I'm not comfortable dating someone who has very different tastes in music, art, and film, and lives a completely different lifestyle. He is also very deeply-rooted in this city, and quite frankly, I don't want to live here longer than I need to. I wish I could just delete him from my friends and be done with this, but I have a bad feeling I'll eventually run into him at Friday Night Figure Drawing, and I don't want to turn an uncomfortable situation into something resentful. In fact, I'm pretty sure I've seen him there before.

I know part of this is my fault due to my self-imposed anxiety, not trusting others and being ridiculously picky when it comes to men, but I have enough stress trying to get everything done for school, especially the artwork, and still being able to do the things I want in what little free time I have. If I'm going to make an effort to adjust my schedule for some guy, I feel I should really be into him (which after talking to him more, I find I'm not).

This entry is kind of pointless, but I didn't want to leave off with the notion I had in the last one or delete it. I'm annoyed that I let some silly Internet conversation affect me like this in the first place, but it did, so I'm documenting it. Above of all, it reaffirmed what my priorities in life are right now and what I need (and don't) to be happy.

"Feeling lonely and content at the same time, I believe, is a rare kind of happiness." - Tuomas Holopainen, "Lagoon"